Lyrics This Offer Is Unrepeatable - Elvis Costello, The Brodsky Quartet

This Offer Is Unrepeatable

Dont send any money!
Fate has no price
Ignore at your peril this splendid advice
An invaluable link in an infinite chain
An offer like this will just not come again
You wish you had women to charm and bewitch
Power of life and death over the rich young girls will be swooning
Because youre exciting them
And not only fall at your feet but be biting them
Guaranteed, guaranteed to capture your breath
Or just possibly scare you to death
Sign it and seal it and send it to friends
But dont mention my name
Dont make any long term plans
In thirty-six hours your fortunes will change
Your best friends wont know you
And neither will strangers
Do not keep this letter
It must leave your hand
You have been selected from over five thousand
A twister or dupe will bamboozle or hoodwink you
I cant say more it would only confuse you
The wine that they offer will go to your head
And youll start to see double in fishes and bread
Guaranteed, guaranteed for a lifetime or more
Guaranteed, for this world and the next
Guaranteed, guaranteed for the world and its mother
Cherish this life as you dont get another one
Unless you should take up this fabulous offer
Dont leave it too late or youll be bound to suffer
And woebetide anyone so woebegone
You wont know youre born or about to pass on Youll never get tired
Youll never get bored
By the way I just hope youre insured
And if youre not satisfied
If you want more
We can always provide an improved overture
Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable
This offer is unrepeatable
Your trouble will vanish
Your tears will dry
Your blessing will just multiply
Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable
This offer is unrepeatable
Guaranteed, guaranteed to bring fortune and favor
In a riot of colours, (a variety of) and flavours
Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable
This offer is unrepeatable
Would I lie to you?
would I sell you a dud?
Just sign on the line.
could you possibly write it in blood?