| Yell help, too many cooks and a bird in the bush, yell help
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| Yell help, if your mirror busts and your cat gets cussed, yell help
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| `cause down the road you find someone else who’s looking
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| Down the road you find another sweet lady cooking
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| So i gotta yell help
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| Yell help, some shelter from the storm like the travel agent warned
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| Yell help, if you can help your superstitions they gonna keep you warm
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| `cause down the road you find someone else who’s looking
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| Down the road you seen another sweet lady cooking
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| So i gotta yell help
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| I wish tonight wasn’t wednesday night
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| I wish it wasn’t the thirteenth of july, yell help
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| And you’re looking at the guy whose eyes can’t deny
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| That he wishes he were somewhere else tonight
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| Well i met this woman down in new orleans
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| Lord she built just like a dream
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| Even wore stockings that had seams
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| And she was ugly
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| Now hell i don’t mind women of her kind
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| I’ll even pay sometimes for a woman that’s ugly
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| She built like a steamroller
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| Just the kind to mow you over anytime
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| Hey the moment might arrive
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| On bourbon street
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| Well the ugliest woman you’ll ever meet
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| But she’s mine all mine and she’s ugly
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| So i better yell help |