| I met a girl called Ian
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| She was a European
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| I guess I wasn’t seein' too straight
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| I left my friends behind me
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| I knew that they would find me
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| I’m great, ya, ya, ya
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| I met a girl called Phyllis
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| She talked like Dobie Gillis
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| And Willis Reed was her favorite Knick
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| I told her she was gorgeous
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| Heard all about the Bourges
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| I’m sick, ya, ya, ya
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| I never thought
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| I was the king of my men
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| I never wanted eleven
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| Because I always got ten
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| If I tell someone, do it over
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| Then they do it again
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| I never ever come on silly or odd
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| I never liked the competition
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| So I don’t worship God
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| I’m never stupid or mistaken
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| Or a jerk or a clod, oh yeah
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| I met a girl called Rifle
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| She changed her name to Trifle
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| Her life all bright
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| And now with a 'T'
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| We lay out in the garden
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| I tried to beg her pardon
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| I’m free, ya, ya, ya
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| I never ever come on silly or odd
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| I never liked the competition
|
| So I don’t worship God
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| I’m never stupid or mistaken
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| Or a jerk or a clod
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| I never laugh at you or sing mere O’s
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| I know you said nobody’s perfect
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| But I figure I’m close
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| Somebody said I was a trifle verbose
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| Yeah, I don’t care
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| I can do anything I want to
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| Anytime I want to
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| Anywhere I want to |