| I come home the first night, drunk as I could be
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| And there was a mule in the stable, where my mule orta be
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| I asked my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me
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| How come there’s a mule in the stable, where my mule orta be?
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| Well, you old fool, you drunken fool, can’t you plainly see
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| That’s nothin' but a milk cow my granny gave to me?
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| Well, I’ve traveled the whole world over, ten thousand miles and more
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| And a saddle and a bridle on a milk cow I ain’t never seen before
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| Well, I come home the second night, drunk as I could be
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| And there was a hat on the hat rack, where my hat orta be
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| I asked my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me
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| How come there’s a hat on the hat rack, where my hat orta be?
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| Well, you old fool, you drunken fool, can’t you plainly see
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| That’s nothin' but a chamber pot my granny gave to me?
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| Well, I’ve traveled the whole world over, ten thousand miles and more
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| And a John B. Stetson chamber pot I ain’t never seen before
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| Well, I come home the third night, drunk as I could be
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| And there was a pair of pants, where my pants orta be
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| I asked my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me
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| How come these pants on the chair, where my pants orta be?
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| Well, you old fool, your drunken fool, can’t you plainly see
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| That’s nothin' but a dish rag my granny gave to me?
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| Well, I’ve traveled the whole world over, ten thousand miles and more
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| And a … zipper on a dish rag I ain’t never seen before
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| Well, I come home the last night, drunk as I could be
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| And there was a head on the pillow, where my head orta be
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| I asked my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me
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| How come there’s a head on the pillow, where my head orta be?
|
| Well, you old fool, you drunken fool, can’t you plainly see
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| That’s nothin' but a cabbage head my granny gave to me?
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| Well, I’ve traveled the whole world over, ten thousand miles and more
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| And a moustache on a cabbage I ain’t never seen before! |