| If a girl isn’t pretty, really pretty
 | 
| Like a Miss Atlantic City
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| If a girl isn’t pretty like a Miss Atlantic City
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| All she gets in life is pity and a pat
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| Any nose with deviation
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| Is a crime against the nation
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| Throw her into jail or maybe drown the cat
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| She must shine in every detail
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| Like a ring you buy in retail
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| With a mounting that can knock the public flat
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| If a girl isn’t pretty like a Miss Atlantic City
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| There’s just nothing more to say: that’s that
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| (That's that)
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| If a girl isn’t pretty like a Miss Atlantic City
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| She should dump the stage and try another route
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| Any guy that spends a quarter
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| For a seat just feels he ought-a
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| See a figure that his wife can’t substitute
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| Men with faces that can cause ya
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| To have a temporary nausea
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| Will demand a raving beauty and nothing less
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| When a girl’s incidentals
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| Are no bigger than two lentils
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| Well, to me that doesn’t spell success
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| (No, no, no, no, no, no
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| If a girl isn’t pretty, if a girl isn’t pretty)
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| If a girl ain’t perfection
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| She can take a pop election
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| Every girl must be a dazzler and a beaut'
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| Never mind the girl’s equipment
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| If it ain’t the right assortment
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| Even though she loves her mother
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| And she’s nice to her brother
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| If her hair ain’t too bright curly
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| Better go to China, girlie
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| Or to hell on a fast express
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| If a girl isn’t pretty like a Miss Atlantic City
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| That oblivion is hard, a drag |