| Mary Long is a hypocrite
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| She does all the things that she tells us not to do
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| Selling filth from a corner shop
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| And knitting patterns to the high street queue
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| She paints roses, even makes them smell good
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| And then she draws titties on the khazy wall
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| Drowns kittens just to get a thrill
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| And writes sermons in the Sunday Chronicle
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| How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long?
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| When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long?
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| Mary told Johnny not to write such trash
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| Said it was a waste of public money
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| She made a fuss, they made apologies
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| But everybody thought the show was funny
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| When the nation knew you’d had children
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| It came as such a surprise
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| We really didn’t know you’d had it in you
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| How you did it we can only surmise
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| How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long?
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| When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long?
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| Mary Long, you’re not alone
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| But you’re a long way behind our times
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| What we do in full frontal view
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| Is more honest than your clean-up mind
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| What I’m saying, Mary Long is
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| When you can spare a minute
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| Go find your friend the porny Lord
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| Dig your self a hole and jump in it
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| How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long?
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| When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long? |