| Ray’s guitar broke. |
| No, we won’t play Rawhide, won’t play anything.
|
| We’ll play the theme from the Dinah Shore show.
|
| Who wants to be Dinah Shore? |
| Who’s alter-ego is Dinah Shore?
|
| Oh, his fists didn’t go up so quickly this time. |
| Yawn… yawn.yawn.
|
| Put those headphones on, it’s be-bop time.
|
| I want to tell you a story about the last time I was in Portland.
|
| The night before we played at the Long Goodbye.
|
| I was walking on the street about 10:30 at night.
|
| A lot of people go to bed around here at 10:30 at night.
|
| And well, I was walking along when suddenly these jocks in this
|
| bright blue pickup drove up. |
| It had KC lights, tractor tires,
|
| everything but the CB. |
| It was a life-size Hot Wheels car for some dumb rich kid,
|
| right. |
| Well, they drove up to me
|
| and they yelled what dumb rich kids usually yell, «Hey, faggot,»
|
| and showered me with some water.
|
| So, I stood there thinking, what a bunch of fuckheads and picked up a rock.
|
| Now, I waited, walked down about a block to
|
| where the Kentucky Fried Chicken is, on Burnside,
|
| and sure enough they drove around again.
|
| They said, «Hey, faggot, where’s the nearest McDonald’s?"I said,
|
| «I don’t know"and they squirted me again.
|
| So I threw the rock and put a nice-size dent in their giant Hot Wheels car.
|
| They screached to a halt in the parking lot of some department store,
|
| who’s name I don’t remember, it’s up the street from Fred Meyer,
|
| and they got out their clubs and they ran after me, yelling,
|
| «We're gonna kill you, you god damn faggot, we’re gonna kill you,
|
| you motherfucker.»
|
| So I got in a phonebooth by the Kentucky Fried Chicken on Burnside,
|
| held my legs straight out like this so they couldn’t open the door
|
| to the phonebooth. |
| So they began charging the phonebooth,
|
| beating on it with their club, yelling,
|
| «We're gonna kill you, you motherfucker, we’re gonna kill you,
|
| you god damn faggot."I just looked at them.
|
| So, there was a crowd gathering by this time
|
| and these kids were standing nearby and they said,
|
| «Oh, look at him, he’s insane."I thought, ah-hah, here’s my way out.
|
| I yelled at them, «Take me to a mental hospital right away.
|
| I wanna be be put away.
|
| Please put me away, c’mon, call the cops and put me away.
|
| Please put me away now.»
|
| They said, «Alright, faggot, we’re calling the police."So they called the
|
| police.
|
| The cop comes out and I go, ah, my savior, I’m away from these jocks.
|
| He opens up the door, «Get out of there, you,»
|
| throws me up against the car, frisks me, shoves me in the back.
|
| Then he goes over to the jocks, «Now what happened here?
|
| It looks like we’re going have to take him to jail
|
| but we got to have the full story first»
|
| So the jocks, who had an ace in the hole, ace in the hole
|
| Take down on the bass, a little bit down on the bass. |
| Yeah,
|
| ace in the hole, and they go, «Well, goddammit,
|
| the motherfucker put a dent in my truck, a $ 5000 truck, right,
|
| so I got my club, I went out and I wanted to kill him.
|
| I want to kill him. |
| Let me kill him, goddammit.
|
| Let me kill him.»
|
| So the cop made them go home, and he drove me home,
|
| and he confiscated their club and my rock as further evidence.
|
| And I thought, so this is Oregon, huh? |
| Tolerent Oregon?
|
| Ray, are you done with your guitar yet? |
| He isn’t done yet.
|
| So what else do you want to hear, I’m out of stories.
|
| That’s a true story, too. |
| Just ask Bruce Loose. |