Lyrics What I Ate - David Shrigley

What I Ate

On Monday morning, I got up at 8 am.
For my breakfast,
I had 500 hard boiled eggs and a cup of tea.
For lunch, I had an old car tire and a bucket of frogs
and a carton of ribena.
For dinner, I had a jar of anti-ageing cream and two meters of electric flex.
On Tuesday I got up at 8 am.
For my breakfast,
I had a plastic ruler and next door’s dog.
For lunch,
I had 53 pounds of Guinness and then
I went home early and went to bed.
On Wednesday I got up at 3 pm.
For breakfast I had bacon and eggs,
two cups of tea and some holiday brochures.
I didn’t have any lunch, because it was too late.
For dinner,
I ate my briefcase and all of my wife’s clothing.
On Thursday I got up at 8 am.
For breakfast, I had a bottle of washing up liquid
and a car stereo.
For lunch, I had the plumbing from
and on-suite bathroom and two cups of tea.
For dinner, I ate some important documents,
a ski jacket, a staple gun, a pair of shoes,
a packet of biscuits and some ice-cream.
On Friday I got up early, because I had a doctor’s appointment, so I didn’t have
time for breakfast.
For lunch, I had a Cornish pasty and a cup of tea.
For dinner, I ate all of the plants in our garden
and a concrete paving slammer.
On saturday I got up at 8 am.
I have to work on Saturdays.
For breakfast, I had a bottle of muesli,
but I barfed it up on my trousers.
For lunch I ate the trousers that I have barfed up on
and then I went to the barber’s and got shaved bold
and I ate all my hair on the way back to the office.
For dinner, I ate an electrik drill and some coleslaw.
On Sunday I got up at 9 am.
I went to church without having any breakfast.
For lunch, I ate a large grave stone and some grass.
In the evening, I went out for dinner with my wife
and I had scampi and she had lasagna.