| It’s because of you there’s a Giant in our midst
|
| and my Wife is dead!
|
| JACK
|
| But it isn’t my fault,
|
| I was given those beans!
|
| You persuaded me to trade away
|
| My cow for beans!
|
| And without those beans
|
| There’d have been no stalk
|
| To get up to the Giants
|
| In the first place!
|
| BAKER
|
| Wait a minute, magic beans
|
| For a cow so old
|
| That you had to tell
|
| A lie to sell
|
| It, which you told!
|
| Were they worthless beans?
|
| Were they oversold?
|
| Oh, and tell us who
|
| Persuaded you
|
| To steal that gold.
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Jack)
|
| See, it’s your fault.
|
| JACK
|
| No!
|
| BAKER
|
| So it’s you fault…
|
| JACK
|
| No!
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
|
| Yes, it is!
|
| JACK
|
| It’s not!
|
| BAKER
|
| It’s true.
|
| JACK
|
| Wait a minute-
|
| But I only stole the gold
|
| To get my Cow back from you!
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Baker)
|
| So it’s your fault!
|
| JACK
|
| Yes!
|
| BAKER
|
| No, it isn’t!
|
| I’d have kept those beans,
|
| But our house was cursed.
|
| She made us get the cow to get
|
| The curse reversed!
|
| WITCH
|
| It’s you father’s fault
|
| That the curse got placed
|
| And the place got cursed
|
| In the first place!
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
|
| Oh.
|
| Then it’s his fault!
|
| WITCH
|
| So.
|
| CINDERELLA
|
| It was his fault…
|
| JACK
|
| No.
|
| BAKER
|
| Yes, it is,
|
| It’s his.
|
| CINDERELLA
|
| I guess…
|
| JACK
|
| Wait a minute, though-
|
| I chopped down the beanstalk-
|
| Right? |
| That’s clear.
|
| But without any beanstalk,
|
| Then what’s queer
|
| Is how did the second Giant get down here
|
| In the first place?
|
| Second place…
|
| CINDERELLA
|
| Yes!
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
|
| How?
|
| BAKER
|
| Hmmm…
|
| JACK
|
| Well,
|
| Who had the other bean?
|
| BAKER
|
| The other bean?
|
| CINDERELLA
|
| The other bean?
|
| JACK (To Baker)
|
| You pocketed the other bean.
|
| BAKER
|
| I didn’t!
|
| Yes I did.
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
|
| So it’s your-!
|
| BAKER
|
| No, it isn’t,
|
| 'Cause I gave it to my Wife!
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
|
| So it’s her-!
|
| BAKER
|
| No, it isn’t!
|
| CINDERELLA
|
| Then whose is it?
|
| BAKER (To Cinderella)
|
| Wait a minute!
|
| She exchanged that bean
|
| To ontain your shoe,
|
| So the one who knows what happened
|
| To that bean is you!
|
| CINDERELLA
|
| You mean that old bean-
|
| That your Wife-? |
| Oh, dear-
|
| But I nvere knew,
|
| And so I threw-
|
| Well, don’t look here!
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
|
| So it’s your fault!
|
| CINDERELLA
|
| But-
|
| JACK
|
| See, it’s her fault-
|
| CINDERELLA
|
| But-
|
| JACK
|
| And it isn’t mine at all!
|
| BAKER (To Cinderella)
|
| But what?
|
| CINDERELLA (To Jack)
|
| Well, if you hadn’t gone
|
| Back up again-
|
| JACK
|
| We were needy-
|
| CINDERELLA
|
| You were greedy!
|
| Did you need that hen?
|
| JACK
|
| But I got it for my Mother-!
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
|
| So it’s her fault then!
|
| CINDERELLA
|
| Yes? |
| And what the harp
|
| In the third place?
|
| BAKER
|
| Ther harp- yes!
|
| JACK
|
| She went and dared me to!
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
|
| I dared you to?
|
| JACK
|
| You dared me to!
|
| She said t hat I was scared-
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
|
| Me?
|
| JACK
|
| To.
|
| She dared me!
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
|
| No, I didn’t!
|
| BAKER, CINDERELLA, JACK
|
| So it’s your fault!
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
|
| Wait a minute-!
|
| CINDERELLA
|
| If you hadn’t dared him to-
|
| BAKER (To Jack)
|
| And you had left the harp alone,
|
| We wouldn’t b ein trouble
|
| In the first place!
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Cinderella)
|
| Well, if you hadn’t thrown away the bean
|
| In the first place-!
|
| CINDERELLA
|
| Well, if she hadn’t raised them in the first place-!
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Cinderella)
|
| It was your fault!
|
| JACK (To Witch)
|
| Yes, if you hadn’t raised them in the first place-!
|
| LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD &BAKER (To Witch)
|
| Right! |
| It’s you raised them in the first place-!
|
| CINDERELLA
|
| You raised the beans in the first place!
|
| JACK
|
| It’s you fault!
|
| CINDERELLA, JACK, BAKER, LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
|
| You’re responsible!
|
| You’re the one to blame!
|
| It’s your fault! |