| Mavis couldn’t quite make it on Saturday
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| Berryl was stuck on the tube from Victoria
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| Cheryl and the rest had all found new boyfriends
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| The only one left was the one in his head
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| So he busies himself, quite amusing himself, by abusing himself
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| All of his life he had wanted one true love
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| One girl he could worship all day out all night in Alas all the girls he had met in his short life
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| Were girls who always quite looked like his dad’s wife
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| So he busied himself, quite amusing himself, by abusing himself
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| Oh dear what a pity, a pity, what a shame, oh what a shame
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| Girls on glossy paper, never quite the same, not quite the same
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| Always saying sorry, never quite the same, not quite the same
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| Sitting one evening wrapped up in TV
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| His doggy insists that he must find a tree so he Puts on his coat and he searches around for a Platinum lighter he dropped on the ground and he Bruises himself, where he uses himself, for abusing himself
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| Out in the park he was walking his doggy
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| He saw a young lady who made him feel soggy
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| He spoke to her softly, she made not a sound then
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| He realized that his match he had found,
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| She was losing herself, quite amusing herself, by abusing herself |