Song information On this page you can find the lyrics of the song First Redneck on the Internet, artist - Cledus T. Judd
Date of issue: 09.02.2004
Song language: English
First Redneck on the Internet |
Well, Lordy, mercy, I’s in a mess |
My wife run off with my TV set |
Didn’t bother me none that she had to go |
'Cept I’s gonna miss all my TV shows |
So I looked up to heaven, got down on my knees |
An' I cried: «Dear Lord, will you help me, please.» |
«I need a TV by tomorrow night |
«'Cos Rick Flare’s involved in a talent fight.» |
Well I guess my tytheing finally paid off |
'Cos early next mornin' shoulda seen what I saw |
Reached in my overhorse for my inhaler |
'Cos there’s a big brown box there, right in my trailer |
I used my truck keys, cut open the box |
I was hopin' for a Sony or a Microbox |
I looked at the name and thought: «Oh my gosh! |
«This must be a new one called Macintosh.» |
Well my last TV was a whole lot wider |
But this’n here come with its own typewriter |
It had all the letters from A to Z |
I guess you just type in what you wanna see |
Well I thought I punched up: «WWF,» |
But the TV Screen said World Wide Web |
Then I broke out in a cold, cold sweat: |
I’s the first redneck on the internet |
He was the first red neck on the internet |
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat |
He went on line just one time |
And now they won’t forget |
The first redneck on the internet |
It was all so new, I shoulda taken my time |
But I slammed that mouse up in four-wheel drive |
Last time I did so much pointin' and clickin' |
I had a .22 rifle shootin' at chickens |
Then, all of a sudden it occurred to me |
The power I had with this fancy TV |
I could get back at my ex-wife |
With the touch of a button, I could ruin her life |
So I got the number off her Mastercard |
I bought a new lift kit and four new tyres |
Then, I got on line to her bank account |
Went ahead and closed that sucker out |
I had her power and her water shut, slap, off |
The I sent an e-mail to her dead plain boss |
Lettin' him know that she told me |
She’d have his job by the end of the week |
He was the first red neck on the internet |
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat |
He went on line just one time |
And now they’ll never forget, (Won't forget.) |
The first redneck on the internet |
Now the moral of the story, as a matter of fact |
In a couple of days I got my TV back |
She said she’d like to come back, as well |
I told her to go straight to AOL |
Now, thank the Lord that the UPS |
For droppin' that box at Cledus' address |
If they ever wanna find him, it won’t take long |
To reach the first red neck on the internet |
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat |
He went on line just one time |
And now they’ll never forget, (Won't forget.) |
He was the first red neck on the internet |
The first red neck on the internet |
Hey Buck, p’preciate your help. |
You ARE the man |
World Wide Web, population Four Zillion. |
Cy hoot |