| I wanna say you’re a real good guy
|
| But we both know that would be a lie
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| It’s been a nightmare being your friend
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| So it’s time for this charade to end
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| I can’t say goodbye
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| 'Cause you might grind me down into meat pie
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| I’ll tell the school that you’ve got avian flu
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| So it’ll be their job to get rid of you
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| I hope they put you into quarantine
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| Or lock you up until you turn eighteen
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| So maybe then I’ll never have to fear
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| That you might suddenly bite off my ear
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| Please don’t bite off my ear! |
| I can’t say goodbye
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| My face would be too mangled to identify
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| If I could get your house repossessed
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| You’ll be forced to relocate to your gran’s in the Northwest
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| I could get you arrested for stealing a car
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| I could get you a job as a miner
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| I could ship you in a crate to Qatar
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| Or sell you as kebab to a dirty diner
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| It’s not real meat anyway
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| I could get your folks to forget you on the freeway
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| Sell you to a freak show on its way to Uruguay
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| I could get you stuck on a fairground ride, (forever)
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| Send you to a wedding in Somewhere-stan with you as the bride
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| I can’t say goodbye
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| But it’s no use trying to deny
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| That I don’t wanna be friends with you
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| So do whatever you have to do… |