Song information On this page you can find the lyrics of the song Introducing Tobacco to Civilization, artist - Bob NewhartDate of issue: 19.11.2007
Song language: English
Introducing Tobacco to Civilization |
| Milestones are never really recognised right away… it Takes fifty or sixty years before people realise what |
| An achievement it is. |
| Take for instance… tobacco, it Was discovered by Sir Walter Raleigh… and he sent it Over to England from the colonies. |
| It seems to me, the uses of tobacco aren’t obvious |
| Right off the bat… and I imagine a phone conversation |
| Between Sir Walter Raleigh and the head of the 'West |
| Indies Company' in England, explaining about this |
| Shipment of tobacco… would go something like this… |
| Telephone rings |
| Yeh… |
| Who is it, Frank… |
| Sir Walter Raleigh… |
| Yeh… |
| Yeh, put him on, will you! |
| Hey, Harry… you wanna pick up the extension… |
| Yeh! |
| it’s nutty Walter again! |
| Hi, Walter baby, how are you, guy? |
| How’s everything |
| Going… |
| Oh, things are fine here, Walt… |
| Did we get the what… |
| Oh!, the boat load of turkeys, yeh! |
| They arrived fine |
| Walt, as a matter of fact they’re still here, they’re |
| Wonderin' all over London… |
| Well, y’see, that’s an American holiday, Walt… |
| What you got for us this time, Walt, you got another |
| Winner for us? |
| Tob-acco… er, what’s tob-acco, Walt… |
| It’s a kind of leaf, huh… |
| And you bought eighty tonnes of it… |
| Let me get this straight, Walt, you’ve bought eighty |
| Tonnes of leaves? |
| This may come as a kind of a surprise |
| To you Walt but come fall in England, we’re kinda upto |
| Our… |
| It isn’t that kind of leaf, huh… |
| Oh!, what kind is it then… some special kind of Food… |
| Not exactly… |
| Oh, it has a lot of different uses, like, what are some |
| Of the uses, Walt… |
| Are you saying 'snuff', Walt… |
| What’s snuff… |
| You take a pinch of tobacco, ha! |
| ha! |
| ha… |
| And you shove it up your nose. |
| ha! |
| ha! |
| ha… |
| And it makes you sneeze? |
| ha! |
| ha! |
| ha… |
| Yeh, I imagine it would, Walt! |
| Hey, Goldenrod seems to Do it pretty well over here! |
| It has other uses though, huh… |
| You can chew it… |
| Or put it in a pipe… |
| Or you can shred it up… |
| And put it in a piece of paper. |
| ha! |
| ha! |
| ha… |
| And roll it up. |
| ha ha ha… |
| Don’t tell me, Walt, don’t tell me. |
| ha! |
| ha! |
| ha! |
| you |
| Stick it in your ear, right? |
| ha! |
| ha! |
| ha… |
| Oh! |
| between your lips… |
| Then what do you do, Walt? |
| ha! |
| ha! |
| ha… |
| You set fire to it! |
| ha! |
| ha! |
| ha… |
| Then what do you do, Walt… |
| Ha! |
| ha! |
| ha! |
| You inhale the smoke, huh! |
| ha! |
| ha! |
| ha… |
| You know, Walt… it seems you can stand in front of Your own fireplace and have the same thing going for |
| You! |
| You see, Walt… we’ve been a little worried about you, |
| Y’know, ever since you put your cape down over that |
| Mud. |
| Y’see, Walt… I think you’re gonna have rather a tough |
| Time selling people on sticking burning leaves in their |
| Mouthes… |
| It’s going very big over there, is it… |
| What’s the matter, Walt… |
| You spilt your what… |
| Your coff-ee?. |
| What’s coffee, Walt… |
| That’s a drink you make out of beans, huh? |
| ha! |
| ha! |
| Ha… |
| That’s going over very big there, too, is it… |
| A lot of people have a cup of coffee right after their |
| First cigarette in the morning, huh… |
| Is that what you call the burning leaves, Walt… |
| Cigarettes… |
| I tell you what, Walt!, why don’t you send us a Boatload of those beans, too! |
| If you can talk people into putting those burning |
| Leaves in their mouthes… they’ve gotta go for those |
| Beans, Walt… right? |
| Listen, Walt… don’t call us… we’ll call you… |