| This is the story of a young girl | 
| Who was the hippest chick in town | 
| They call her Big Noise from Winettka | 
| Miss Birdie’s sure to get around | 
| Big Noise flew in from Winnetka | 
| Stole each fellow’s heart and then | 
| Big Noise flew in from Winnetka | 
| Big Noise flew right out again | 
| Stop! | 
| Look! | 
| Listen! | 
| Here comes the Big Noise! | 
| Stop! | 
| Look! | 
| Listen! | 
| Here comes the Big Noise! | 
| I am the one they call the Big Noise | 
| I’m looking fine and feeling sharp | 
| I just flew in from Winnetka, don’t you know? | 
| I’m gonna blow this joint apart! | 
| I got my high heels! | 
| I don’t need no wheels! | 
| My footwork is an art! | 
| You know the joint is jumpin' | 
| My heart is pumpin' | 
| And this is just the start! | 
| Whoa! | 
| I was a big noise from Winnetka | 
| I’ll be a big noise in your heart! | 
| Whooooa! | 
| Tempting when she’s walkin' | 
| Tempting when she’s talkin'! | 
| Listen to her squakin'! | 
| There she goes 'round again | 
| Up and then down again | 
| In and then out, ooooh, bop! | 
| «Hi! | 
| Welcome to another foul evening with the Divine Miss M! | 
| „After many a summer dies the swan,“ | 
| But not when their stuck in a turkey as big as this one! | 
| Watch us as we scratch and claw out hour | 
| Upon the stage in yet another feeble-minded attempt | 
| To turn chicken shit in to chicken salad | 
| Make no mistake about it, eggs will be laid tonight! | 
| Ain’t that right girls? | 
| Oh, my girls | 
| My three favorite schochkies on the breakfront of life | 
| I’ll never forget the first time I found these girls | 
| Selling their papayas on 42nd Street. | 
| So flushed, so filthy | 
| The astonishing verbal abuse they heaped upon me made me certain | 
| We were destined to share the stage someday | 
| Not only are my girls fine singers and dancers | 
| Not only are they gorgeous and talented | 
| But they also think I’m god! | 
| Ain’t that right, girls? | 
| They function as a greek chorus | 
| These girls don’t know shit about Euripides | 
| But they know plenty about Trojans | 
| Ladies and gentlemen, a rousing hand for the semi-classical | 
| Harlettes! | 
| Laides! | 
| Alright girls, sing 'em your siren song, go ahead | 
| Turn them men into pigs. | 
| Not the band, you idiots | 
| Those, that bunch right over there in the front row | 
| Not much of a challenge, huh? | 
| This group is already well on its way to oink oink land | 
| Oops, so sorry. | 
| Once again behaving in a manner I had sworn to aschew | 
| Thank you. | 
| Once again falling into the vat of vulgarity | 
| Oh tut tut. | 
| I did so want to leave my sordid past behind and emerge | 
| Form this project beathed in a new and ennobling light | 
| I wanted to come out and be the sweet, pure, honest | 
| Unadorned person that I really really am | 
| I wanted to show you the good beneath the gaudy | 
| The saint beneath all this paint, the sweet, pure | 
| Winsome little soul that lurks beneath this lurid exterior | 
| But fortunately, just as I was about to rush down the path | 
| To repectability and righteousness | 
| A wee small voice called out to me in the night | 
| And reminded me of the motto by which I’ve always tried to live my life: | 
| F$ck 'em if they can’t take a joke!» | 
| «Hi! | 
| „After many a summer dies the swan,“ | 
| But not when she’s stuck in a turkey the size of this one! | 
| Make no mistake about it folks, eggs will be laid tonight! | 
| Ain’t that right girls? | 
| Oh, my girls | 
| My three favorite schochkies on the breakfront of life | 
| I’ll never forget the first time I found these girls | 
| Peddling their papayas on 42nd Street | 
| Not only are my girls fine singers and dancers | 
| Not only are they gorgeous and talented | 
| But they also think I’m god!» | 
| I am the one they call the bi-I-I-I-g noise! | 
| I am a living work of art! | 
| I just flew in from Winnetka, daddy-o! | 
| I’m gonna blow this joint apart! | 
| Everyone has a bit of big noise in his heart | 
| Everyone loves a little sin | 
| Well, I’m gonna be the first girl in the line | 
| When the festivities begin! | 
| I was a scandle, too hot to handle! | 
| They said, «You'd best depart!» | 
| Oh! | 
| Exit Big Noise from Winnetka | 
| Enter | 
| Enter! | 
| Enter! | 
| Big Noise in his heart! |