| Well, I saw it advertised one day
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| That the Bear Mountain picnic was coming my way
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| «Come along and take a trip
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| We’ll bring you up there on a ship
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| Bring the wife and family
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| Bring the whole kids»
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| Yippee
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| Well, I run right down and bought a ticket
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| To this thing called the Bear Mountain picnic
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| Little did I realize
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| I was in for a pleasant, funny surprise
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| Had nothing to do with picnic
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| Didn’t come close to a mountain
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| And I hate bears
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| Took the wife and kids down to the pier
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| There was six thousand people there
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| Everybody had a ticket for the trip
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| «Oh well,» I said «it's a pretty big ship
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| Besides, anyhow, the more the merrier»
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| Well, we all got on, and what do you think?
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| That big old boat started to sink
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| More people kept a-piling on
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| That old ship was a-going down
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| Funny way to start a picnic
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| Well, I soon lost track of my kids and wife
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| So many people, I never saw in my life
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| That old ship was sinking down in the water
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| There was six thousand people trying to kill each other
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| Dogs a-barking, cats a-screaming
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| Women a-yelling, men a-flying, fists a-flying
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| Paper flying, cops a-coming, me a-running
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| Maybe we just better call off the picnic
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| I got shoved down, got pushed around
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| All I remember was a moanin' sound
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| Don’t remember one thing more
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| All I remember is waking up on the shore
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| My arms and legs were broken
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| My feet were splintered
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| My head was cracked
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| I couldn’t walk
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| I couldn’t talk, smell, feel
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| Couldn’t see
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| Didn’t know where I was
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| I was bald
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| Quite lucky to be alive though
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| Well, feeling like I just climbed out of my casket
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| I grabbed back hold of my picnic basket
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| Took the wife and kids and started home
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| Wishing I’d never got up that mornin'
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| Now, I don’t care just what you do
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| If you want a have a picnic, that’s up to you
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| But don’t tell me about it, I don’t want to hear it
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| You see, I just lost all my picnic spirit
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| Stay in my kitchen, have my own picnic
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| Have a picnic in the bathroom
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| Well, it don’t seem to me quite so funny
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| What some people are going to do for money
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| There’s a brand new gimmick every day
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| Just to take somebody’s money away
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| I think we ought to take some of these people
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| And put them on a boat, send them up to Bear Mountain
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| For a picnic |