| Colin Zeal knows the value of mass appeal
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| He’s a pedestrian walker, he’s a civil talker
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| He’s an affable man with a plausible plan
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| Keeps his eye on the news, keeps his future in hand
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| And then he
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| Looks at his watch, he’s on time yet again
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| Looks at his watch, he’s on time yet again
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| He’s pleased with himself, he’s pleased with himself
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| He’s so pleased with himself, ah-ha
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| While sitting in traffic, Colin thinks in automatic
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| He’s an immaculate dresser, he’s your common aggressor
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| Colin’s the modern retard with a love of bombast
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| Keeps his eye on the news, doesn’t dwell on the past
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| And then he
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| Looks at his watch, he’s on time yet again
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| Looks at his watch, he’s on time yet again
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| He’s pleased with himself, he’s pleased with himself
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| He’s so pleased with himself, ah-ha
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| He’s pleased with himself, he’s pleased with himself
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| He’s so pleased with himself, ah-ha
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| And then he
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| Looks at his watch, he’s on time yet again
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| Looks at his watch, he’s on time yet again
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| He’s pleased with himself, he’s pleased with himself
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| He’s so pleased with himself, ah-ha
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| He’s pleased with himself, he’s pleased with himself
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| He’s so pleased with himself, ah-ha
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| He’s pleased with himself, he’s pleased with himself
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| He’s so pleased with himself, ah-ha
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| He’s pleased with himself, he’s pleased with himself
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| He’s so pleased with himself, ah-ha
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| Well, he’s a modern retard, he’s terminal lard
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| He’s an affable man with a carotene tan
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| 'Cause Colin Zeal’s ill, Colin Zeal’s ill, Colin Zeal’s ill
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| He’s Colin Zeal and he knows |