| I’ve been married, and married, and often I’ve sighed
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| «I'm never a bridesmaid, I’m always a bride»
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| I never divorced them, I hadn’t the heart
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| Yet remember these sweet words, «'till death do us part»
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| I married many men, a ton of them
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| Because I was untrue to none of them
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| Because I bumped off every one of them
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| To keep my love alive
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| Sir Paul was frail, he looked a wreck to me
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| At night he was a horse’s neck to me
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| So I performed an appendectomy
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| To keep my love alive
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| Sir Thomas had insomnia, he couldn’t sleep at night
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| I bought a little arsenic, he’s sleeping now all right
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| Sir Philip played the harp, I cussed the thing
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| I crowned him with his harp to bust the thing
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| And now he plays where harps are just the thing
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| To keep my love alive
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| To keep my love alive
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| I thought Sir George had possibilities
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| But his flirtations made me ill at ease
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| And when I’m ill at ease, I kill at ease
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| To keep my love alive
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| Sir Charles came from a sanitorium
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| And yelled for drinks in my emporium
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| I mixed one drink, he’s in memorium
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| To keep my love alive
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| Sir Francis was a singing bird, a nightingale, that’s why
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| I tossed him off my balcony, to see if he, could fly
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| Sir Atherton indulged in fratricide
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| He killed his dad and that was patricide
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| One night I stabbed him by my mattress-side
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| To keep my love alive
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| To keep my love alive
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| To keep my love alive |