| Live at five and CNN
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| Keep us all abreast
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| Of breaking stories that can tend
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| To make us anxious and depressed
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| Problems with no answers
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| Hang on like somechronic cough
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| And every day some brand new issue
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| Rears it’s head to piss you off
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| Bad guys win
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| Optimism’s wearing thin
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| Things are spinning out of control
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| Cynicism’s all the fad
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| World evens could make us mad
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| As hatters
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| Almost every day
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| Some underpinning slips away
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| These aren’t laughing matters
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| Time bombs tick
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| People keep on getting sick
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| And a nickel’s not worth a cent
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| Wickedness and greed abound
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| Just as peace is gaining ground
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| It shatters
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| Hate is here to stay
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| And justice goes to those who pay
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| Friend, these aren’t laughing matters
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| The truth is scarier by far
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| Than anything that Stephen King could write
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| The stories in the paper are
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| The daily small decline and fall
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| Spelled out in black and white
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| Oh, what to do, what to do?
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| How to take a brighter view
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| When your noodle’s totally fried
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| Human spirits need to be Leavened by a little levity
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| So take those blues
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| And bounce them off the wall
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| Keep your humor please
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| 'Cause don’t you know it’s times like these that
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| Laughing matters most of all |