Lyrics Concert Monologue - Bette Midler

Concert Monologue

You know, you know sometimes, sometimes people say to me, «Rose,
when’s the first time you ever heard the blues?»
And u know what i tell 'em?
«The day i was born.»
You know why?
You know why?
'Coz i was born a woman
Ah!
Oh!
We got some noisy females in the house tonight!
I do like to hear that
high-pitched sound, you know I do
Oh, being a woman is so interesting don’t you find it?
What are we ladies, what are we?
We are waitresses at the banquet of life!
Get into that kitchen and rattle them pots and pans… and you better look
pretty god-damned good doing it too or else you gonna lose your good thang!
Oh!
And why do we dot that, why do we do that?
I tell you why we do that,
we do that to find looove
Oh, i love to be in love, don’t you love to be in love?
Ain’t it just great to
be in love?
Oh, ain’t it wonderful?
Isn’t it wonderful to be in love?
Ain’t it just grand
laying there late at night in bed waiting for your man to show up?
And when he finally does, round about four o’clock in the morning with whiskey
on his breath and the smell of another woman on his person…
Oh, honey I can smell another woman at five hundred paces!
That’s a easy one to
catch!
So what do you do when he comes home with the smell of another woman on
him?
Do you say, «Oh, honey, let me open up my loving arms and my loving legs!
Dive right in, baby, the water’s fine!»
Is that what you say, girls?!
Or do you say, «Pack your bags!
I’m putting on my little waitress cap and my
fancy high heel shoes.
I’m gonna go find me a real man, a good man, a true man,
a man to love me for sure.»
You know I tell you something, I tell u something: I tohught… at one time i
actually thought i found myself one.
I did, I thought I found myself one.
When he… When he…