| You want to take on Mitosis?
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| Let me get your diagnosis
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| It says you’re half the man I am
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| And all your raps are necrosis
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| Yeah I’m so perfectly perfect
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| In all my careful divisions
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| Creating identical versions
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| While you’re «Oh I’m so different»
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| Don’t talk to me!
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| You’ve been around the block too many times
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| And your duplicate splitting is constantly spitting out
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| Four daughter nuclei?
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| Don’t be jealous cause I’m sexy
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| And I got two sets of phases
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| I like to mix DNA up
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| When I’m entering my prophase stages!
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| You’re like your parents kid
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| Just like a clone
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| You see this chromosomal genetic
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| Combination’s mine own!
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| I’m independent
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| My chromosomes don’t need any pairs
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| At the end there’s only 23
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| So your mom and dad can share and make
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| Life! |
| Yeah I’m the one that
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| Gives you your offspring
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| Though my genetic variance can create arrogance
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| DNA’s changing from New York to Beijing…
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| Sure, if it weren’t for you
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| I wouldn’t have kids
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| But if I wasn’t here
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| Then you wouldn’t exist
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| And those babies you keep bringing up?
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| Awwww, real cute
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| I’m the one that makes them grow
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| So you can stop cleaning their puke!
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| You’re like telophase
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| The only thing worth admiring is your cleavage
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| I don’t want to give half of my chromosomes up
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| What I’ve built in my nucleus is my achievement
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| I’m like telophase too
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| I like to kick back and unwind
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| But I’m secretly Anaphase
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| Pulling you apart from inside!
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| I repair the whole body
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| To make you grow big and strong
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| If I wanted sex cells
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| I would just ask your mom
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| Hey — here’s a question!
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| Maybe you have the answer
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| Did you know you’re the main cause
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| For a whole bunch of cancers?
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| Yeah, your errors
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| Cause a lot of conditions
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| Ouch! |
| Did that burn?
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| Better call the physician
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| Sorry! |
| Can’t feel your burns
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| As I can regrow skin
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| I’ll repair tissue, build membranes
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| To never let you in
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| Whatever! |
| I have Meiosis 1
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| And of course Meiosis 2
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| A way more complex process
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| Making me way better than you
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| Two successive divisions
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| 4 perfect daughter cells
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| Each one ends up haploid
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| Is that your testes thanking me as well?
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| And I was discovered first
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| 1876 to be exact
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| So I’m older and wiser than you
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| And that is a fact
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| My overabundance and detailed importance
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| Makes me a bit more complex
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| So my discovery required
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| A lot more context
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| I come from Walther Flemming’s
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| Genius mind and observations
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| Look at this cutie’s beard
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| He’d give anyone stimulation
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| Well one of my forefathers
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| Had the hippest glasses and peach fuzz
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| Gertwig was a hipster
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| Before everybody was
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| You see it’s me that makes the gametes
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| So all of humanity can reproduce
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| Gotta strive for diversity and progress
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| So we don’t end up like you — a douche!
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| Hey! |
| Hey! |
| Hey! |
| Both our chromosomes
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| Line up on the equator
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| And we’re mostly stuck in interphase
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| So let’s try not to be a haters
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| When it comes to agreeing
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| One thing we have at least is
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| That both our epic journeys
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| End in cytokinesis! |