| Johnny went and joined the army, says he wants to see the world
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| Said he wants to get some money, (?)stage (?) himself into a girl
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| Suzie says she needs some lovin', says she really wants it bad
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| Says she’s gonna start a family to get the love she never had
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| She don’t wanna sell her sex for money, she don’t wanna dance around the pole
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| Says she kind of thinks it’s funny, the things she does for birth control
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| I know you always wanted champagne (?)
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| And I know you always said to me, there’s something you don’t get
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| But all I have to give to you is cheap wine and cigarettes
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| But let me tell you, honey now, this is as good as it gets
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| Mother goes and (?)gets the shopping (?), puts a coat on in the rain
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| She doesn’t like to talk about it, but her back’s in pain again
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| Father sits in front the telly, the football is about to start
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| Opens up another beer can, pulls aside and lets a fart
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| We’re all together going nowhere, numbered in production lines
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| Looking like the one beside you, happiness is the only crime
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| I know you always wanted champagne (?)
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| And I know you always said to me, there’s something you don’t get
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| But all I have to give to you is cheap wine and cigarettes
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| But let me tell you, sweetheart now, this is as good as it gets |