| I am the drunkest, ugliest girl at the bar
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| Oh well I’m scheming, and I’m scheming, and I’m scheming, and I’m gonna go far
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| All the boys, yeah they think I’m a star
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| Because I’m drinking, and I’m drinking, and I’m drinking, yeah I go pretty hard
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| I get a pinch on my ass, when I lean on the sill
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| And then I bent it, and I bent it, and I bent it but not to pick up the bill
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| My husband’s at work, my baby’s in a Daewoo sauna
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| I hold my breath when I check, just to see that she isn’t a goner
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| The little dream sits there, she’s like a fly in a jar
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| Yeah who the hell are they to tell me that I can’t leave my kid in the car
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| I am the goddamn drunkest, ugliest girl at the bar
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| Yeah who the hell are you to tell me that I can’t leave my kid in the car
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| Yeah who the hell are you to tell me that I can’t leave my kid in the car
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| Yeah who the hell are you to tell me that I can’t leave my kid in the car
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| I am the dumbest, richest guy at the bar
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| Yeah, well I’d take you for a ride but my girl took the keys to my car
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| I made a deal over lunch baby, yeah it was worth 15k
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| I show my teeth when I smile in a real matter-of-fact way
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| I make so much money, I swear I never get any older
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| And I don’t talk to my brother cause that prick’s got a chip on his shoulder
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| Oh yeah I’m feelin real good, how much for one of those cigars?
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| I want to breathe like a dragon baby, I cough up burning hot tar
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| Hey look, I’m cold outta cash, just put it all on my card
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| Hey, wait but you can’t cut it up, my credit rating is five stars
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| Oh well this place is a joke, yeah who do you think you are
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| You’re talking to the goddamn dumbest, richest guy at the bar |