| Oh my god there’s scenesters everywhere
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| With their hair gel and their vintage t-shirts
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| Why didn’t the Shins come to Phoenix?
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| And why didn’t Mirah come to Phoenix?
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| Because the modified is too small
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| And the marquis is too big
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| And the complex is rightfully dead
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| And the hipsters with their snide comments and aversion to applause
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| Oh my god hardcore kids everywhere
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| With their hair gel and their color green
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| How do they look so good while their convictions remain so strong?
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| Because their hair gel that they use isn’t tested on animals
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| And their swallow tattoos are fucking lame
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| And cocaine is essentially vegan
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| And they don’t give a fuck anyway
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| They’re so vain, and yes, this song is about them
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| Oh my god post-hardcore kids everywhere
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| With their violence and pomposity
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| So fucking straightedge getting high off of self-righteousness
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| And praying to a sideways cross
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| So urban, so infantile, so angry, so young, and so poor
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| They don’t need to use a crutch 'cuz they’ve got the wheelchair
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| Oh my god there’s assholes everywhere
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| Pretentious fucking assholes everywhere
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| Oh my god there’s assholes everywhere
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| Pretentious judgmental assholes everywhere |