| When the postman don’t call on Valentine’s Day
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| And Santa Claus don’t come on a Christmas Day
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| That umbrella won’t work on a rainy day
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| Don’t ask me, I already know
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| When they find you beached on the barrier reef
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| And the only pleasure treasured is in map relief
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| The choice is yours, sure, saint or thief
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| Don’t ask me, I already know
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| Yes, they baked your cake in little slices
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| Kept your eyes on rising prices
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| Wound up winning booby prizes
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| I’m sure you’d like to think you know what life is
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| Find destiny through magazines
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| Liplicking, unzipping, Harpers and Queens
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| From here to eternity without in-betweens
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| Ask me, I already know
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| With your heart on parade and your heart on parole
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| I hope you find a sucker to buy that mink stole
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| School for scandal, guess who’s enrolled
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| So ask me, I already know
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| When they find you beached on the barrier reef
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| When the postman don’t call on Valentine’s Day
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| When the only pleasure treasured is in map relief
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| When you don’t tell the truth, that’s the price you pay
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| When I’m shaking a hand, I’m clenching a fist
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| If you gave me a pound for the moments I missed
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| And I got dancing lessons for all the lips I shoulda kissed
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| I’d be a millionaire, I’d be a Fred Astaire |