| There’s a new religion
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| And it’s hot off the shelf
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| Where the congregation
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| Have to worship themselves
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| There’s no fire and brimstone
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| But there’s an inglenook
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| Where you can take communion
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| From a TV cook
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| There are Ten Commandments
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| And you can please yourself
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| If you keep or break them
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| You’re still condemned to Hell
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| If you’ve a dollar in the bank
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| And that will see you through
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| But if your neighbour has a dollar
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| Well then you’d better get two
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| We can’t negotiate a contract
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| A package to suit your claim
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| You’ll get no justice in that sense
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| 'Cos nobody’s ever to blame
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| There’s a high priestess
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| She knows the spice of life
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| She’s only skin and bone
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| But she’s a football wife
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| They take an altar to the terrace
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| So we can name our saints
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| You’re given fifteen minutes
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| With karaoke brains
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| You’d better choose your friends
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| Very carefully
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| If they can help you network
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| Well they’re no use to me
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| Take what you want
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| Not what you need
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| We used to have that problem
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| Now they’re a dying breed |