Lyrics Do You Swear to Tell the Truth, The Whole Truth & Nothing but the Truth so Help Your Black Ass - Amanda Palmer

Do You Swear to Tell the Truth, The Whole Truth & Nothing but the Truth so Help Your Black Ass

When I was six years old my sister Alyson\nAsked for a stove for her birthday\nA miniature one you could actually cook with\nAnd my mom was nice and she bought one\nAlyson needed a reason to bake something\nBarged in my room and she grabbed me\nShe said:\n«I made a cake and we’re going next door\nTo sam weinstein’s and you’re getting married»\nThe cake was burned\nIt tasted gross\nShe made me kiss him\nOn the mouth\nNow I am 33\nUnmarried happily\nNo plans in life and I’m planning to keep it that way\nI do kissing with only one mission\nDo you like to kiss? then you have my permission\nAnd I have already spent too much time\nDoing things I didn’t want to\nSo if I just want to make out all the time\nYou can bet your black ass that I’m going to\nWhen I was nine I was kind of a loser\nThe kids in my class didn’t like me\nMelanie chow was the meanest of all\nAnd my mom made me go to her party\nNobody talked to me I sat there quietly\nDrawing with crayons on a napkin\nA picture of melanie skewered with a pitchfork\nHer legs getting eaten by lions\nThe cake was good\nI took some home\nI had a party\nIn my room\nNow I have friends and I’m not such a loser\nBut I go to bars all alone and I sit there\nAnd order red wine and I write and I like being alone around people\nYes that’s how I like it\nAnd I’ve already spent too much time\nDoing things I didn’t want to\nSo if I wanna sit here and write and drink wine\nYou can bet your black ass that I’m going to\nYes I come here often\nSure I’ll have another one\nYes I come here often\nSure I’ll have another one\nBut I don’t have to talk to you\nWhen I was 17 I was a blowjob queen\nPicking up tips from the masters\nI was so busy perfecting my art I was clueless to what they were after\nNow I’m still a blowjob queen (far more selectively)\nI don’t make love now to make people love me\nBut I don’t mind sharing my gift with the planet\nWe’re all gonna die and a blowjob’s fantastic\nAnd\nWhen I was 25 I was a rock star\nBut it didn’t pay too well I had to strip on the side\nOf the road to get ready for shows and the cars driving by\nBaby they’d never know\nWhat a bargain they’d gotten\nAnd if I’m forgotten\nI’m perfectly happy with all that has happened\nAnd I still get laughed at but it doesn’t bother me\nI’m just so glad to hear laughter around me\nAnd I’ve already spent too much time\nDoing things I didn’t want to\nSo if I want to drink alone dressed like a pirate\nOr look like a dyke\nOr wear high heels and lipstick\nOr hide in a convent\nOr try to be mayor\nOr marry a writer\nSmoke crack and slash tires\nMake jokes you don’t like\nOr paint ducks and retire\nYou can bet your black ass that I’m going to