| Was a wet day in London, me fortunes were crumblin'
|
| I was on me way back from building the job
|
| And the foreman that day, he saw nothing may way
|
| And the lorry ran over the sandals, begob
|
| I was hungry and thirsty and felt a bit down
|
| I went in for a little libation
|
| I’d five pints of porter, three Jimmies for starters
|
| Two pork pies and what —
|
| Some cabbage and bacon
|
| Though the day, it was dreary
|
| Now I felt a bit cheery
|
| In no time I was ready for action, begob
|
| And I played the old jukebox
|
| Pulled up the old blue socks —
|
| And winked at this young woman beside me, begob
|
| Wouldn’t it be, it would happen to me
|
| She winked back and she sat down beside me
|
| I told her me name and she told me the same
|
| Says I to her, «What?»
|
| «Then what are ya drinkin'?»
|
| «Come here, me old flower» I said then to her
|
| «It's the truth, I’m known as a liar»
|
| «Come here, me old flower, I’ve seen ya before!»
|
| «Give the woman in the bed there more porter»
|
| She’d a gin and a tonic and I felt supersonic
|
| For her figure was maybe the devil, begon
|
| With curves in right places
|
| Through satins and laces
|
| That would tempt an old bishop
|
| Though celibate, begob
|
| Me luck might be in and tonight I might sin
|
| Though last week I was just at confession
|
| But who gives a damn
|
| Sure would do me no harm
|
| To have me a bit —
|
| A bit of diversion
|
| Well, I was playing it cool
|
| As I do as a rule —
|
| When the barman was calling for time now, begob
|
| And she said with her sweet face
|
| She’ll come back to my place
|
| Was then that I knew she was mine now, begob
|
| Her place it was lush
|
| With carpets so plush
|
| She took off me ol' cap —
|
| Then the wellies
|
| But old daddy delay
|
| She wore a sweet negligé
|
| Like the girls wear on what —
|
| (On what?!)
|
| On page three or telly
|
| «Come here, me old flower»
|
| I said then to her
|
| «It's the truth, I’m known as a liar»
|
| «Come here, me old flower, I’ve seen ya before!»
|
| «Give the woman in the bed there more porter»
|
| I don’t mean to be crude
|
| But I stood in the nude
|
| With this goddess, this beautiful Venus begob
|
| She ruffled me duffle
|
| We kissed and we shuffled
|
| What a sight if me ma only seen us begob
|
| I was feeling quite grand
|
| With the business at hand
|
| When this photo I saw on the dresser
|
| Was herself and this man
|
| Oh, with dirty big hands
|
| For her husband was who —
|
| (Was who?!)
|
| Was Wild Bill the wrestler
|
| Although she was charming
|
| I felt alarming
|
| He was mean as a hairy…
|
| Gorilla, begob!
|
| «If he caught me in bed
|
| With his woman», I said —
|
| «He'd kill me for sure
|
| I can tell ya, begob»
|
| She said, now, don’t worry
|
| For he’d never hurry
|
| Don’t seen him at all
|
| He’s a messer
|
| The door opened that night
|
| And I got such a fright
|
| In the doorway was who —
|
| (Was who?!)
|
| Was Wild Bill the wrestler
|
| «Come here, me old flower»
|
| I said then to her
|
| «It's the truth, I’m known as a liar»
|
| «Come here, me old flower, I’ve seen ya before!»
|
| «Give the woman in the bed there more porter»
|
| With rage he was steaming
|
| His eyes they were gleaming
|
| Like a wild bull, he charged over to me, begob
|
| But I ducked his wild pass
|
| Kick him in the ass
|
| And ran like a hare for the doorway, begob!
|
| I’d have gotten away
|
| Without any delay
|
| But I tripped and fell over the carpet
|
| When I tried to get up
|
| Well this dirty old pup —
|
| Grabbed me by the what —
|
| (The what?!)
|
| By the leg and he pulled it
|
| «Come here, me old flower»
|
| I said then to her
|
| «It's the truth, I’m known as a liar»
|
| Don’t believe this old yarn
|
| Don’t believe this old rhyme
|
| For I’m pulling your leg like he’s pulling mine
|
| Tooraloo, Tooralay, with your toorali oorali ay |